The Art of Allowing


it should be easy right? Allowing what is good, what we love, what comes with ease. How can it be hard to follow our plans and ideas to become what we want to become, to create what we want to create? But sometimes what we want is intimidating, who we want to be seems too much. We can’t be the ones to do it. We are not that person…yet.

We are not ready…yet. We already have no time, no space. We never manage to put the washing away. The woman we want to be, the woman who has the life we really want, she always puts the washing away. She is somehow other to us. She wouldn’t eat a covert chocolate bar behind the door of the kitchen cupboard, she wouldn’t feed her kids cereal for dinner, she sends cards on time for birthdays, she actually remembers the birthdays.

Do you see how we are minimising ourselves so massively in this. Our society and the media have utterly belittled what it means to be a woman. We are ‘successful’ if we put away the washing??? Seriously!!! I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure I’m capable of a lot fucking more than putting the washing away or whatever other small job I may not have achieved that day.

Many of us play an amazing roll in the bringing and holding together of families and therefore communities and that is a powerful thing. We facilitate love, we create safe spaces, we nurture and grow not just our children but our loved ones, partners and friends. When we are allowed to break away from the expectations that are laid on us we are capable of so much more. We can absolutely choose what to focus on. We can create our own rules, we can take these principles of inclusion and acceptance into our businesses. Reimagine the whole thing.

Life is supposed to feel good. That struggle, that belief in struggle is a trick of our brains. It doesn’t have to be like that. But here’s the bit that is work - swimming against the tide of our subconscious can be tiring. And often we give up and we give in to that flow. Back to a place of boredom and frustration.

“I wish I could…”
“If only I had time to…”
“I used to have so much spare time, what did I do with all of that time…”

One of the gifts kids give you (along with lego in every damn corner, bogey filled kisses and a sofa that is so grubby that at this point it functions more as a plate than somewhere to sit) is that they give us focus. Finite time is an utter gift for achieving what we want to achieve, to look that goal in the eye and say ‘we only have 30 minutes/an hour/ this morning’ to get this done. They are the push towards honest conversations with our partners :“I can’t do this alone”. They are the catalyst for self introspection: ‘I want my kids to see what it is possible for them to achieve”. That women are more than what they achieve in their home.

How many of us have gotten to the end of the day, looked around our bedroom and berated ourselves for what a mess it is, for those clothes that are yet to go away, the floor that needs a good vacuum and the mirrors covered in little finger marks. Just before we go to bed, after a busy day of juggling, keeping small people alive and managing our businesses (never mind our dreams and bigger goals), our last thought is of what we haven’t achieved today, of what we haven’t tidied up.

Next time, let’s take a moment, pause, make a list of every way in which we are more than what is expected of us, of what we expect of ourselves. Start to unravel that brain nonsense with positive, life affirming thoughts and break out of the small spaces that have been created for us, because we deserve to take up a lot more room than we have been allocated.

P.S If this strikes a chord with you there's plenty more like it in my "FInding The Balance" Facebook group - come on in and join us.

Ray Dodd